Building Bridges: Do we know, it`s Christmas?
Do we know, it`s Christmas?
Most of us want to think about Christmas as the perfect holiday at the end of the year. Since we were children, we have associated festive decorated houses and Christmas trees, quality time with the family and many gifts and happy moments with the most joyful time of the year. Christmas is the time of the year when the family comes together and when not just Christmas wishes but also fantasies about that perfect time come true. But what if they don’t?
One of our friends remembers growing up on a farm and his mother doing her best to make Christmas a great holiday. He and his parents had a very troubled relationship, and it took his father's passing to forgive and move on. There were so many memories of a dark and sad childhood. As the oldest son, he was working almost every day since he was 8 years old and since his parents had never experienced affection, he also didn't get much love and many hugs in the following years.
But yes, his parents managed to give him Christmases, which were almost magical. He remembers Christmas dinners and when it came to the gifts, there was clearly no shortage. Especially his younger brother tended to get everything, which is something he still feels entitled to as an adult until the present day. But the older he got, the more obvious it was that a merry Christmas couldn't balance out all those prior sad days, months and years.
However, while most of us parents are busy decorating our homes and buying and wrapping gifts to make our children happy, it doesn't even cross our minds that there are friends among us, who remember angry parents on Christmas. I heard about fathers, who tended to explode especially during the holidays and who made the life of their children hell at the most beautiful time of the year.
And then there are stories of loss. One of my dearest friends lost her mother on Christmas Eve, and it took her a long time to get over the circumstances of that loss. Another friend just came out of rehab fighting depression, and although he has been looking forward to spending Christmas with his wife and kids at home, it can be argued about why so many celebrations at the end of the year-end with tears, fights and even divorces.
Tragedy and bad luck doesn't stop because of Christmas. Even single parents with two kids might get fired from their jobs one week before Christmas after they were brave enough to speak up against bullying and discrimination. Recently divorced friends will find themselves without their previous partners in front of the Christmas trees, realizing that they will have to make it through this holiday just like through the rest of the year.
And then there are those of us who actually never found their partners or settled down with children and families. I remember spending 4 Christmas Eves in the cubicle of the office of my former employer when I didn't feel like spending that time alone at home. I was sitting in that cubicle and watching documentaries from good old Germany, where I had grown up and which got me a little closer to home on those nights.
Christmas comes with many traditions and memories, good and bad ones. As part of the Building Bridges Club, we recently discussed the movies “Love Actually” and “Home Alone”, who got the most votes, and we talked about Christmas and the good and the bad. Friends from the USA and UK got together during those sessions, and we realized that it is up to us what we make of Christmas nowadays. We can start our own traditions, and we can make our own memories.
One of our friends will fly all the way New York to New Zealand and be on a plane for 18 hours just to spend Christmas with different members of her family. And even if my children and I are absolutely certain that we will leave Hannover in the very foreseen future again we sent out more than 100 Christmas cards and will buy a Christmas tree at the Maschsee in Hannover this afternoon, which is my favorite place in this gray and not beautifully rebuilt city after World War II.
My children and I will also attend a church service for the first time in Hannover. We will clearly miss Pastor Christine from New York from St. Peters Church in Chelsea, New York, which had the rainbow flag hanging outside their church and celebrated diversity and made everybody welcome all year long. I was warned that churches in Germany are less open and welcoming, but we will still make the effort and give it a try.
But while Christmas is the time of the year when the emotions take over, it is also a good time to reflect and enjoy those days of silence, when life in the city is calming down. And even after we experienced losing loved ones, jobs or the life we had known, this might be the good time to really appreciate the loved ones we have and which are part of our life. And at that moment it shouldn't matter, if they are here or on the other side of the Atlantic.
And one last thing, Christmas should be our reminder to be kind to each other. I am not just talking about being kind to our family and friends, but also to those who might be alone and lonely on Christmas. My son and I had breakfast in a bakery yesterday and ended up talking to a grandfather, who will spend Christmas Eve on his own. We chatted for almost 15 minutes it was obvious that the three of us felt great about it when we eventually left.
At the end of this article, I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas. I thank you all for your support and for your friendship. One of the purposes of Building Bridges is bringing a great group of people together and no matter, if you are an active member or a sponsor or both, your support is much welcome.
As promised, we will have a final live event on December 29th, 2024 for those of you, who are happy to get together after a hopefully lovely Christmas or those of you, who are glad that they survived Christmas and are in desperate need of a drink among friends at the end of 2024.